So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
