Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
