I think i sorta joined a cult last night
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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