You're my little dorito
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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