Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Randomize
