If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
