Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
