franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
