She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
