I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
