So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
