i think my tv is drunk
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
