Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
