Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
