I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
