The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
