If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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