So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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