Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
