what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
