you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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