the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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