What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
