Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
