mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
