are you still at the devil's house?
accomplished twins. life is a go
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
