Where is the hickey?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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