Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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