I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
