been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
