Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
