Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
