I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
