How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
