this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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