hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
