piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
