I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
