none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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