he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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