1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
