Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
