in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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