i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
