The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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