I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
