he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
