community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
