my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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