He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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