i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
