The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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